I know we have an fairly large contingent of lawyer or wannabe lawyers in the commentariat, so:

Actual Court Transcripts

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes..

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he

doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new

attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

people?

WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished..

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began

the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing

law.

What a load of #%$%^

1. Retail sales were actually down when compared to the initially reported January number! And should we not be comparing initial Feb to initial Jan, not initial Feb to final Jan. After all the reasons behind the adjustments to Jan are probably going to be the same for Feb
2. Total retail sales were about $355 billion in Feb. Oh and the average government deficit (monthly) this year is about $120 billion. So another way of looking at it is that 1/3 of retail sales were bought on the government credit card (i.e. the unemployed get benefits and use benefits to buy food).

That anyone is parsing these numbers to the .1% when government stimulus is in the $120 billion a month range is INSANE.

Hmmmmm? Must be from all that excess disposable income from UE payments, or new found wealth from garage sales or windfall savings from not paying mortgages or real earnings from hooking and brewing meth. Should be good for a whopping day in the markets.

I thought the weather was to blame for everything being stagnant in February? Can weather be a factor in employment, but not a factor in retail?

They should ban mentioning any potential influences on the numbers. The numbers are what they are, and whether they are due to extenuating circumstances or not is debatable, not fact.

We've gone from just a few newsreaders or columnists talking to millions on the television or in the newspapers, to billions on the internet talking to just a few people at a time...

The model has been completely flip-flopped over and the old one needs to be wished into the cornfield, but it's a lot more stubborn than the rein men were when their days were numbered a century ago~

An obvious and often-asked question: How could the sales be increasing while the sales tax receipts recorded by all states, cities and municipalities are decreasing? And they seem to be decreasing by double digits! Absurd!

The only thing that matters is whether the numbers were cooked in a nice ragout sauce, or braised at a high temperature?

Citizen Scotto wrote:

what are "nonstore retailers sales?"

Is that a trick question? Wait, thinking..is that the same as a nonbank being made a bank?

Just a bounce from the Black Market cash made shoveling snow! Far more spending power then the Taxed to death dollar!

Juvenal Delinquent wrote:

The model has been completely flip-flopped over and the old one needs to be wished into the cornfield\

Web will be 'critical' revenue source for Times: publisher

Outsider wrote:

Everything is just so absurd lately.

A "mental/psychological" recovery?

CalculatedRisk wrote:

Retail sales are growing at a 1.2% annual rate over the last 3 months (0.7% annual for ex-gasoline). Weak.

doesn't do fractions, so it will be a moonshot.

Went skiing for a few days (6 inches of new powder the first day, ego snow the next day) and we were watching the telly in our room at the lodge, and the tv news is so very very desperate for something positive, the am network shows each spent about 5-10 minutes on some 7 year old kid that called 911...

There is nothing there, and they built themselves up to a scale that is now unaffordable to maintain because advertising revenues have fallen off the cliff

Juvenal Delinquent wrote:

Hey Yogi,

How's it feel to be utterly out of touch with things, in a King George I supermarket scanner sort of fashion?

[next]

I have seen the Black Market grown in the last few decades and now with few real jobs in the future it will grow even more. Look back at when check cashing stores grew and now include pay day loans, auto pawns. The complete Black Market banking system.

Consumers were snowed in at the malls and had to shop their way out?

Nanoo-Nanoo wrote:

"as shoppers braved the snow" on their headline page...

Practically heroic

The buses in Portland, Or. take cash.

Maury the Credit Responsibility Panda wrote:

Practically heroic

Indeed, particularly those shoppers in Hollywood.

Retail sales preview:

June: Retail Sales were unexpectedly higher as shoppers braved the battering rays of the sun and heat.

There is talk of urban food production.

Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer on his blueprint for a sustainable food system in New York.
http://www.wnyc.org/shows/bl/episodes/2010/03 last hour Wednesday.

Our obesity levels are low, even though we work inside.

Certainly we're out of touch with nature, especially those who can't afford regular escape, but we're not out of touch with the world. I see how they've guarded the NYFed after 9/11. I see all the wasteful JPM physical branches within walking distance and all the empty stores. Those JPM branches keep how much paper on hand, again?

Obsolete. Why aren't we having this debate in print?

Even if the numbers were correct and there was a scintilla of an increase in sales YOY, sales were a frigin' disaster last February...

Retailers are hanging on by the skin of their shortened curlies

I'm hearing reports that more retailers are going "cash only".

1 currency now -yogi wrote:
I used to live in Stuy Town. Now I'm uptown. Long story.
Does it involve an Upton girl who'd been living in a white-bred world?

CR, is there a chart showing the initial retail sales report on one line with the adjusted retail sales on another line? If the Jan 2010 number had not been readjusted, the Feb 2010 number would have been down month over month. I wonder how many other months only showed an increase in sales after the prior month was readjusted downward?

Later all, off to work with me. Happy BFF!

It'd be like a banking mulligan, and it's a slippery slope from there...

Spain can grow agave?
....
I'm guessing so since they have an area called the Extremadura (sp?) that features a very big desert,
remember all those Eastwood spaghetti westerns? they were shot there..
the branding of tequila is a deal bwt Mexico and N. & S. America I believe.
I'm sure you can't buy Spanish T in the States.
...
don't know why but I'm in the mood to here this: YouTube - That's Cambodia, Captain - That's Classified! an exce
(great line from Apocalypse)
....

Nurses' union: Care does not include sex

Yes, Gnome. Count it. It can be a gimme. Onesie voters are going to pray for a shutout today, and the rest just got an early start.

It's never too soon to close a bank.

Duke of Con Dao wrote:

I'm sure you can't buy Spanish T in the States.

---That's because we're the most free country in the world!
///cue flags and eagles//

Comrade Kristina wrote:

They even sent reps to hang around the entrances to girls' convent schools and discretely distribute free samples

Last night a guy was offering a pack of Marlboro's for 1$ if you just walked in the bar.
My mother used to really get in their faces. One habit I never had any desire to experiment with.

The ATM's, which I manage to avoid, now look like slot machines. There used to be random "cash" prizes for using a debit card, and of course cash back on your credit card is an old trick.

Paper or plastic, if the supply can be secretly or suddenly altered, the currency is a drag on productivity and economic growth.

It you want that from your nurse, then you aren't sick enough to be hospitalized. K? Hows that. Oh the stories I could tell.

...if memory serves, the Mayan calendar for February only has 28,000 sacrifices

kactionj wrote:

I've been wondering how sales could be up while tax receipts are down as well... Is it possible that a combination of tax-free internet sales growth and inflation in items often exempt from sales tax (ie. food is often exempt or taxed at a lower rate) could be causing this?

It ain't internet sales, over all of 2009 internet sales were flat - 4Q2009 was a 3% bump from 4Q2008 - but that just made all of 2009 flat in nominal terms with 2008, so depending on your religious views with 'flation figure out the situation in real terms.

Non-store retail sales are the tally of all sales that do not involve going to a mall or stores; it measure sales from mail order catalogs, the internet, door to door vendors, and telephone sales.

Allen C wrote:

R,
Have you looked at retail sales in relation to state sales tax collections? I'm curious to see if there a recent, statistical divergence compared to a ten year average. I realize tax increases complicate the calculation.

Yes, it would be nice to see this apparent divergence discussed by CR.

Non-store retail sales are the tally of all sales that do not involve going to a mall or stores; it measure sales from mail order catalogs, the internet, door to door vendors, and telephone sales.

Thanks. Non-store sales must have been up because everyone was snowed in.

possible

Simple: retailers do not issue purchase receipts of goods

Cash Only businesses?

I've been making sure to pay cash whenever possible to local businesses. I figure it makes their accounting easier and makes them less dependent on

energyecon wrote:

Our local ghostfaceinvestah opines that it might be missing mortgage payments. Instead of paying your mortgage, you live in your house rent free and buy stuff instead. That is one possibility.

That makes no sense at all. Stealth stimulus, sure - but think about it - how the hell do they spend more but the sales taxes are less just because they skipped their mortgage payments?!

It's fairly common for restaurants to collect a meal tax (it's required here in MA) and not turn it in. They'll often hold onto the money, and when the taxing authority finally gets fed up, they'll negotiate a reduced tax liability. Not so sure about other retailers, but the reduced receipts may just be a way for smaller retailer to get the state and local governments to "finance" their short term operations. That, and not paying their bills until they're 30 days past due, making the terms effectively net 60 as opposed to net 30. Just brain storming on that; I'm not really sure and have no recent inside info on it.....

ResistanceIsFeudal wrote:

Does it involve an Upton girl who'd been living in a white-bred world?

No, but I did date a girl from a rough part of Queens once who told me that she had shot her last boyfriend in the leg, not by accident, but they were still friends. Her mother practiced some form of voodoo, but she was happy to show me that she kept a "messoossa" for good luck.

My move involved a job change and Met Life's attempt to sell this as "luxury": http://farm1.static.flickr.com/160/360124027_d809415eeb.jpg
They gave up and suckered the Church of England and Calsters into trying, and failing, with the aid (unwitting???) of some locals.

energyecon wrote:

That makes no sense at all. Stealth stimulus, sure - but think about it - how the hell do they spend more but the sales taxes are less just because they skipped their mortgage payments?!

There are many mom n pop stores struggling. It would not surprise me if there were an increasing number of cash sales that went unreported. Of course, they can increase their write offs due to theft or in the case of perishables, spoilage so wholesale sales remain steady and reported retail sales are down?

Though that doesn't explain the increase in retail sales - oh well. Just another manipulated number.

Bear with as I repeat myself for the 10th time.

Reported retail sales is a partial survey of mid to large chains (Walmart not included). Includes gas sales which for the last 4 or 5 months have been running about a $1 more per gallon yoy. Mom & Pop and small chains do not report and they are the ones getting crushed. When they go under their customers migrate to what is still open - in many cases large reporting chains.

Bottom line - retail sales tax collection still negative yoy.

Our State Tax Commission have auditors in wholesale warehouses pulling invoices on mom and pop stores while leaving big box alone. Fact, been privy to it.

Retail sales are purchases by consumers.

Sales taxes are transfers to the state by vendors.

I would suggest the divergence is a lack of full reporting by vendors.

Mike in Long Island wrote:

There are many mom n pop stores struggling. It would not surprise me if there were an increasing number of cash sales that went unreported.

But are the mom n pops even in these early numbers? Perhaps that is why the revision was so sharp, we got their results added to the chain numbers (with survivors bias)?

If we are in a recovery why are tax collections still negative. Virginia just released its february revenue report yesterday. Some high(low)lights:

Collections of sales and use taxes, reflecting January sales, fell 5.0 percent in February. February receipts include post-holiday sales and gift card purchases, completing the holiday shopping season. Adjusting for amnesty, collections of sales tax in December through February – which reflect taxable sales for November through January – declined by 3.6 percent. The forecast anticipated a 3.0 percent decline for the holiday shopping season.

Total general fund revenue collections fell 5.9 percent in February. Receipts in most major sources declined for the month. On a year-to-date basis, total revenues fell 4.8 percent, trailing the revised annual forecast of a 2.0 percent decline.

Reflecting the effects of a major winter storm and a weak economy, February marked the lowest month of general fund revenue collections since March 1998.

http://www.finance.virginia.gov/KeyDocuments/RevenueReports/FY2009-2010/revenueLetter-2-10.pdf

Our State Tax Commission have auditors in wholesale warehouses pulling invoices on mom and pop stores while leaving big box alone. Fact, been privy to it.

When gasoline reaches a certain price and consumer pays with charge card and servicer of CC charges more than the profit is on the gallon of gas mom and pop can not survive one day, thats reason for gasoline to be sold by large oil compaines. Wallmart bought Murphy Oil and put in their own pumps.

I call bullsh!t on "it's internet sales" and on "mom n pop holding out tax money" even though small business owners as a group are some of the biggest tax cheats - I'm going with survivor's bias for the chains as mom n pop get crushed due to an inability to compete on prices with the big box stores in a price driven marketplace.

You'd be to know how much cash I used to haul to AC, NJ just to avoid paying the obnoxious premium to the house, or for a bank wire. Now I have a safe deposit bow. It's not safe, they'll steal it before going BK I'm sure, but it's just "play" money, and a little more diversity.

But nickels and dimes weigh down the bike, and I'm saving the nickel (=>5c) for my electric car.
I don't hate the buses, which are much cleaner and quieter now; I've never had the slightest incident with one (local) on the bike. (We need more jitneys on the Avenues like the Super Shuttle). But if I have to be packed like a sardine- ridership is at record levels and service cuts are imminent, the train actually moves fairly reliably.

The bus has to wait for the old ladies to count their coins.

nova wrote:

The kids see the maintenance staff as losers who should have gone to college. Its their fault they have such crappy jobs. Basically they are seen as subhuman. Just like the people of Walmart. Her high school sends 98% of the graduating class to college. The student body is Republican, Christian, and majority White. These are junior :squids: in the making.

Wait until they hit the job market and learn that how much a janitor can make... plus benefits...

I would suggest the divergence is a lack of full reporting by vendors.

Cheating has always taken place. But as a retailer let me say most (90%+ in my case) customers carry very little cash and will pay by check/credit card on even $2 purchases. Checks/cc leave a trail and it is much harder to hide from an auditor. I'm not buying it. Besides it is not just retail sales tax collection - revenue collection is down across the board. Everyone cheating?

You are likely right energyecon. It may well be that it is just exactly what it says it is. The discrepancies are likely due to poor reporting methodologies more than anything else we're coming up with to try and explain it away.

It will be an excuse though I think to levy taxes anyway possible, CA is trying to go for it. In my state, its currently on an 'honor system' of sorts.

...our present and future turd world economy

I was talking to my daughter this morning. She is a Senior in High School. She was telling me about how some students take a dump in the sinks or piss in the hallways. What really irked her was at lunch the janitors will come around with bags to pick up trash. Kids will toss it real hard into the bags to make it splatter the janitors.

But are the mom n pops even in these early numbers?

No. I'm in virginia and we have until the 20th to report the prior months collection. That is why I laugh at these february numbers - I haven't even done the paperwork for the february collection let alone submitted it.

black dog wrote:

Besides it is not just retail sales tax collection - revenue collection is down across the board. Everyone cheating?

No, it's not all cheating, even with sales taxes. Some mom and pop stores may not have the funds to transfer.

On other revenue sources, it's clear why payroll taxes are down: lower payrolls.

Estimated income tax payments are probably down due to people expecting less income this year.

I was addressing the ongoing conversation about sales constant while sales taxes are down.

That's a brutal way to travel...

Outsider wrote:

Nothing a good bout of unemployment or a stint in the military won't cure.

edit: Both of which are very likely in their future.

Not likely with 98% going to college and 100% living off their parents.

nova wrote:
The point is people have no value anymore unless they are high level purchasing units. We have become a nation of money suckers. Souless, cruel, and predatory.
Gattaca... this is our future.

ResistanceIsFeudal wrote:

In a few years, when most of us are living in crowded cities, packed into 'apartments' that more resemble coffins because it's all we can afford and the Vampire Squid from Hell have driven up land values to the degree that no one but fellow-Vampire Squid from Hell and pro athletes can afford property it WILL be a "luxury

Sounds like you've lived in Hong Kong, cause there you are.

Only diff is a lot of folks are vested in the squid, and cheer its every triumph.

SPOOL,

I remember that. Yeah. Exactly.

And Amazon just dropped all it's 'affiliates' in Colorado. Tax reasons.

black dog wrote:

Some mom and pop stores may not have the funds to transfer.

Then they are out of business

That's right. Do you actually think failing business send in sales tax receipts?

@ sportsfan

I was just responding to your comment here.

I would suggest the divergence is a lack of full reporting by vendors.

I took it to mean you thought still in business retailers are not reporting the full amount (cheating). Are you saying that some vendors are reporting (fully I assume) and other aren't (out of business)? If so, my bad.

Anak wrote:
Sounds like you've lived in Hong Kong, cause there you are.
Only diff is a lot of folks are vested in the squid, and cheer its every triumph.
It is inevitable when property becomes too expensive and pop density too high. CRE was heading there pre-crash. In time millions will cheer the squid here too, as it becomes one of the only remaining forms of upward social mobility.